Reflection on John 5:19-23 (Br Nicholas Lye)

Very often in life, I have turned to the Lord and asked, “Who am I, to be called to this ministry or that ministry? To reach out to this person or that person?” In my recent years of discernment, I have often asked the Lord, “Who am I, to be called to the priestly vocation, such a demanding and challenging ministry? Who am I, with all my weakness and failings, that you still find me worthy to do Your work? Who am I, in the midst of so much brokenness and chaos in the world, that I might still make a difference?”

One day while I was asking the above questions yet again, I found myself singing the lyrics of a song in my head:

Not because of who I am
But because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapour in the wind
Still you hear me when I’m calling
Lord you catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am
I am Yours

(Who Am I – Casting Crowns)

At that instant I broke down and cried, at the reminder of my identity as a child of God, His spiritual son. Then the words of scripture came to my mind: “the Son cannot do anything by himself, but only what he sees the Father do. Whatever the Father does, the Son also does.” (John 5:19)

Throughout my life, including my journey in discernment and formation, I often face a myriad of choices on what to do, how to react, whether to take on a particular challenging task, or even to stay in this vocation. Yet, I have realised that many of my choices were made based on what I thought was right, or what I thought was best for myself. These choices eventually led to much frustration, resentment, anger and even sinfulness.

Yet God is reminding me to turn to Him, and make choices based on what I see the Father doing through His Son Jesus. When I have fallen into sin, to see Jesus getting up again after every fall. When faced with temptations, to see Jesus praying and fasting in the desert. When in the midst of persecutions and injustice, to see Jesus remaining humble and patient. And even when faced with a broken church, to see Jesus still choosing to die for all, even those who have disappointed and persecuted Him, and even asking the Father to “forgive them for they do not know what they do.” (Luke 23:34)

But above all that, I felt God telling me that it isn’t enough just to focus on becoming a good priest by seeing Jesus as the true Shepherd. What is more important is to focus on becoming a good son of the Father just as Jesus was. Only in growing in an intimate relationship with the Father, to truly love God the Father as his true son, am I on the right track towards doing all that He wills for me.

And so no matter where we are in life, whenever we feel called to an uphill task, or to a demanding or challenging ministry, mission or vocation, I pray that we may all not focus so much on ourselves and not question our capability; rather, may we always turn to God and recall our identity as God’s beloved children, and find courage and strength in that privileged identity to do what He is calling us to do, so that what God has done through His Son Jesus Christ, so will we, his sons, also choose to do.



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Stay tuned for the next post by Br Martin Arlando on 19th Aug 2010.