Reflection on Psalm 95 (Br Aloysius Tan)

During the period of Lent, we have an alternative Invitatory antiphon for Lauds taken from Psalm 95: “O that today you would listen to his voice: harden not your hearts.” Images that occur in my mind when I pray this verse often include the people of Israel turning away from God or people in the contemporary world who are great sinners and forget about God. In other words, these are times I struggle to identify myself with the people who refused to listen to God and have a heart of stone as described by the psalmist. Why? I guess I always identify myself with the people of God who are close to the Church, may have sinned but never do turn away from God for a long period. Also, I see myself as a seminarian striving to be His minister, which once again belongs to another category of people who are not far off from God.

In this season of Lent, I have been trying to figure out what I should do or not do to have a meaningful Lent. Again, looking back at my disposition, I seem to do things in order to live out the “invitation” of God and to listen to his voice.

Last week’s Conversion Experience Retreat (CER) at the Catholic Spirituality Center (CSC) indeed gave me new insight when I pray this psalm. The hardened heart in fact not only refers to the heart that strayed from God but also a heart that is insensitive to His words, a heart that does not grief over sins and is indifferent. The process of the retreat invited me to consider the compassionate love of God, my relationship with Him and the sins which separated me from God. It challenged me:

Firstly, to acknowledge my weaknesses and sins in a “plain” way. What is this “plain way”? When I (or perhaps many of us) confess my sins or when I acknowledge my wrongdoings, it doesn't always come as a simple sentence. It comes with a whole packaging of words, adjectives to describe it, to justify it or to water it down. I was made aware that the word “packaging” caused by the hardened heart meant not “fully” acknowledging my fault but confessing it half heartedly. Didn’t the Israelites in Meribah also do the same?

Secondly, to see how my pride contributed in “helping” me build an invisible wall which blocked me from being vulnerable in the presence of God. I became more and more immuned to my sins, telling myself I do not commit BIG sins and thereby trapping myself under the plan of the devil. The pride of self-righteousness is indeed a “stepping stone” that leads me to fall into greater sins.

I thank God for this great awareness which reveals to me that I am indeed very much like the Israelites who did not listen wholeheartedly to God’s voice, and my heart has gradually become hardened through my self-righteousness and my inability to confess: “Lord, have mercy on me for I have sinned." I seem to water it down with “because, maybe or perhaps......”.

After this awakening experience, I thank God for the grace to make a good confession. The best gift for me is to continue my Lenten journey. It is the gift of realising how the words “O that today you would listen to his voice: harden not your hearts” are the words God spoke to me clearly and loudly. I pray that this word will continue to lead me in my journey towards God and in my ministry of following the heart of my Shepherd.

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Stay tuned for the next post by Br David Arulanatham on 25th Mar 2011.